My father had surgery today on his gallbladder and small intestine. I spoke to him yesterday, and he seemed to be in high spirits, which is cool considering he's been in the hospital for the past week. He told me a funny story about waking up in the middle of the night and ripping all the tubes out of his body - just like Neo does in the matrix when he wakes up in the pod full of goo (c'mon, you know the scene). Oh, and don't worry - it all worked out - he didn't need those silly tubes anyway!
It's tough being on the other side of the country, because I'd like to be there with him and help him through this, but we don't always get what we want when we want it.
Knowing that my Dad is in the hospital also makes me think about the idea of death. The first time I really tackled the idea of death, I was in fifth grade. We were in the car, and I asked my parents what happens to people when they die.
My father responded, and he said something like the following: "I don't know what happens to us when we die. I'm not sure if there's a heaven or a hell after death. However, I do believe that we human beings create our own heaven or hell here on Earth by the choices we make each day."
These words have stuck with me throughout the years, and I deeply believe their veracity. We choose. At work, at play, eating dinner, talking to your mom, sister, lover, friend; we choose. Heaven or hell. And, if we are mindful, we can make the right choice and create a blissful present for us and those we share it with. It's called the present because it is a gift. :-)
Over the years, I've had the opportunity to reflect more on the idea of death.
Let me start by saying this - for me the idea of death can be FUCKING TERRIFYING!!!! The idea that I might end and cease to exist is incomprehensible, paralyzing, and just plain sad.
But, in my more calm moments, I'm able to look beyond the fear. I'm still not sure what happens to us when we die, but here's my best guess...
I think all living things share energy (i.e. photosynthesis, vitamin D, calories, etc). This energy is shared by all parts of our world through a beautifully complex interdependent web. This energy is both physical and mental/spiritual (what you might call "soul" energy). When we die, our physical body gets recycled back into the web - I believe this is generally accepted as fact, no? So, I think it's logical to reason that our soul energy goes back into the web too. We're gone, but our energy goes back to the big-ass energy pool and gets used again, somehow and somewhere.
"So what" you ask?
Well, if we are a part of an INTERDEPENDENT web of physical and mental energy, then we are responsible for making sure our piece of the pie contributes to the whole. We're responsible for using the time we've been given (this gift) to create a little piece of "heaven" on Earth. Responsible for using this energy we've been given (both body and mind) such that we give it back a little better than we've found it. In this way, we can collectively work towards a better community, world, universe together, both for the here and now, and after we're gone. Because after we're gone, the energy that we've carried will remain .
Sources of inspiration for these ramblings come from Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" series, Unitarian Universalism, my friend Acacia, Thich Nhat Hanh, and of course, my Daddy.
Dad, I'm thinking about you and praying for your health.
Peace and love to y'all.
